


Dreams

by Naramis



Category: Gentleman Jack (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 03:31:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19191049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naramis/pseuds/Naramis
Summary: It was all in her head, and she was silly to still let this catch her off guard, but sometimes… sometimes it was so real. At times she feared she was going a bit mad.Having just arrived in Paris, Anne Lister struggles dealing with her broken heart.





	Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set in between episode 7 and 8 when Anne travels to Paris.

Anne Lister was a woman who liked to stay in motion. It showed in her determined way of walking, the way she would get to a new task straight away instead of dwelling on it or – even worse – letting it sit.

But lastly, it showed in how much she had travelled in her life, how many places she’d visited and yet had never properly settled in one for too long.

Travelling. Yes, she loved travelling. Or was it _running…_? Mariana’s words echoed in her head, the same Mariana who despite all the years they’d known each other seemed to know her so little… _or that’s what it seems like these days anyway_ , Anne thought bitterly.

But in that regard, she thought swallowing thickly, maybe Mariana was not so wrong…

She closed her eyes for the briefest of moments, trying to force the thoughts and images away before they could settle, before they could remind her of things better left unthought and locked away where they couldn’t hurt her. Regardless, she became nervous and her legs twitched with the urge to run, to run faster than the carriage she was currently sitting in was going. Much faster, so maybe she stood a chance of outrunning the dark feeling that was starting to settle in her chest and wrapping its claws around her heart in a way that made it hard to breathe.

Anne let her gaze set on the surroundings instead; the city of Paris they were currently travelling through. She recognised the streets, and knew they’d be at their destination soon enough. And even so, even with the setting stirring so many positive memories in her, it did little to help her mood. The streetlights illuminating their path in the darkness did her no favour either, for they were painting the otherwise colourful lively city in a dim light that made the empty streets look depressing and hollow, as if someone had sapped all the life from them in an instant to leave behind a void husk. Far too reminiscent of her own state of mind…

Anne was drawn out of her musings when the carriage came to a halt. She did not bother waiting for anyone to open the door for her, choosing to burst out instead. It was late enough already. All she wanted was to retreat to her lodging and be left alone.  
She did not acknowledge her groom or Eugénie, instead rushed inside to sort everything out. It was only minutes later that she found herself in her room as Thomas, having dropped her things, turned to leave... and yet it felt like an eternity to her.

“I wish to be left alone for the remainder of the evening,” she announced to the groom before shutting the door behind him.

Taking a deep breath, she reached for the lock to ensure her privacy. She leaned against the wooden door for a moment, closing her eyes as the exhaustion of the day – both physical and mental – crept up on her. Anne reached up, loosening her cravat before her waistcoat and the other pieces of clothing followed suit, one by one, until she was left in only her undergarments.

Glancing over to her opened trunk, Anne spotted her diary lying on top of her other things. The book with which she had trusted so many of her most private memories, feelings and thoughts.

Reaching for it, Anne stroked over the cover almost lovingly, taking a step away from the trunk before her gaze dropped over to the desk. It was late, but with her thoughts and feelings in disarray, Anne knew she should take time to write.

She found the chair comfortable enough, taking the pen laid out on the desk in her hand to start, brown eyes scanning the last page she had made an entry on. Her thoughts were already starting to drift off again into territory she’d rather not deal with, at least not like this. No. Anne brought the pen down to start.

_Don’t leave me._

She found herself looking up as if the gentle soft-spoken voice in her head had come from inside the room instead. She glanced about, but as the times before, she found nothing. Of course she found nothing. It was all in her head, and she was silly to still let this catch her off guard, but sometimes… sometimes it was so real. At times she feared she was going a bit mad.

Anne sighed, reaching over for her pocket watch to check the time. In this moment even the usually comforting ticking of the watch did little to calm her tense nerves. She snapped it shut, putting down the pen with more force than necessary as frustration overcame her.

 _No. Not now, not tonight._ She couldn’t. As much as it would probably do her good to clear her mind by writing it all down, she found herself unable to put even a single word in her diary. The pain was too prominent for her to want to delve into, even if it meant writing it down would let it go. Giving the empty page another long look, Anne snapped the book shut and raised from the comfort of her chair.

She did not like going to bed like this, with her head still in disarray, but what choice did she have if writing was not an option? Anne brushed a loose strand of hair aside and sat on the side of the bed. She closed her eyes in another attempt to push the feelings and thoughts away, at least far enough that she could find sleep tonight.

At least the bed was reasonably comfortable. Nothing compared to her own bed at home, of course, but better than many others she had found herself in over the course of this journey. It was just… a little empty on her own, but she tried not to dwell on that particular thought. Not right now. She closed her eyes again, and soon her mind became clouded with the approach of sleep, willing away any remaining thoughts that had still lingered. With exhaustion creeping up on her, it didn’t take her long.

_Anne…_

Anne stirred, brow creasing at the soft whisper she felt she had just heard. Hugging her duvet tight, she willed her eyes to stay shut, feeling the stinging sensation from her lack of sleep. It was only moments later that the heavy feeling of sleep was starting to overtake her anew.

_Anne…_

She groaned. _Why must you torture me so?_ She thought, clutching at the duvet that was keeping her warm as if it would will the voice away. But she knew it wouldn’t. Anne lay tense, expecting to hear more at any moment.

But nothing came.

Instead, the softness of a featherlight touch was felt against her shoulder, moving inwards slightly. She twitched. _How…?_ Anne slowly turned to lie on her back, the warmth of the touch ceasing as she did so, only to reappear at her belly a moment later.

She tilted her head to her right, finding blue orbs locked with hers.

Lips parted in surprise, Anne found herself at a lack of words. Had she lost her mind entirely now? This couldn’t be real. She knew it wasn’t. And yet… looking down to the hand on her belly, she found her eyebrows creasing with sadness. Her touch felt so real… so painfully real.

“Anne…”

Anne nodded, looking back to the girl next to her to acknowledge her. Her heart clenched at the loving little smile Ann gave her in return as she leaned closer yet, until Anne was breathing in her scent; a tear running down her cheek at the familiarity. She opened her mouth to speak, to say _something_ , but found that words eluded her at the beautiful sight of Ann lying next to her in her undergarments and her hair in a tidy braid.

Ann smiled before moving in to press her lips against Anne’s, a hand coming up to hold her at her shoulder as those soft lips started moving against her own. Somewhere in her head, Anne was still vaguely aware this was not real – _how could it be?_ – but whatever resistance was left in her mind dwindled rapidly under the wonderful feeling of Ann being with her and kissing her. Her Ann.

Anne couldn’t take it anymore. Bringing up her hands to hold her lover closer, their bodies pressed together as Ann moved halfway on top of her. Anne returned the kiss with a passion that only their months upon months apart could have stirred within her, a fire growing uncontrollably with each passing moment.

Both gasped upon parting, teary gazes meeting as they stayed close.

“I’ve missed you,” they whispered almost perfectly in unison, and once more Anne found her heart clenching in her chest. She reached out to run a thumb over Ann’s cheek where a tear was trying to make its way down.

Both found themselves speechless, brown eyes taking in the beauty before her with adoration and longing. She closed what distance there was once more, hungry for those soft lips; for Ann.

She found her lover reciprocated beautifully, pressing herself closer as their lips moved together in an increasingly passionate rhythm. Anne began to sit up and reached around her, attempting to slide Ann into her lap.

Ann went along, smiling at her as she steadied herself on top. Anne returned the smile, her fingers softly trailing along Ann’s sides to her back to slide under her shirt, feeling her tremble slightly while pressing down against her.

“How is this possible--“

She was stopped short when Ann’s lips connected with her own, kissing her much harder than she’d ever expected from the sweet girl. Heat was engulfing Anne’s entire body until she felt as if she was going to burst into flames. She moved her hands to the front, sliding them up her belly until they were lingering under her breasts.

“Take those off,” Anne whispered, looking at her lover’s far too obstructing garments. Ann nodded, stunning blue eyes lingering on her own for a moment before she followed the command and rid herself of her clothing under Anne’s intense gaze.

Anne followed her every movement intently as Ann climbed back into her lap in all her stunning naked beauty. She let out a shaky breath when Ann settled against her, and in that single moment she was truly at peace for the first time in months.

Ann leaned forward, and Anne didn’t hesitate to kiss her, her hands holding her close as if worried this moment would end if she didn’t keep her close at all times. She moved one hand down Ann’s back, fingers teasingly running along her spine where she knew she liked it most, and was met with a soft moan from above.

How had she managed to live without Ann for so long? How…? It seemed impossible to think right now. Her fingertips brushed along Ann’s behind before moving to the front, along her thigh.

The moment she felt blonde curls against her hand, Ann broke the kiss, panting audibly already. “I love you…”

Anne found herself hypnotised by that powerful loving gaze Ann was giving her, unable to blink; in fear she would miss even a split second of this beautiful shared moment. She moved her hand down, feeling Ann’s hips push forward in anticipation before she pressed two fingers inside of her.

“I love you too,” she whispered, her voice shaking with passion.

Ann sighed, starting to rock her hips to the rhythm Anne was dictating, her gaze never once leaving Anne’s.

“Oh… Anne…”

Holding her tight, she did not let up, only barely distracted by the sound of the church bells in the background. It mattered not in this moment, the only thing that was important was that she had her back…

Ann smiled at her, gripping her shoulders tight for support as she moved atop Anne, but something felt off. She felt so distant suddenly, as if she was somehow slipping away from her. Anne blinked, the church bells becoming more dominant in her perception to the point where they were drowning out Ann’s moans entirely.

Her vision became blurry no matter how hard she tried to focus. What was going on…?

Anne gasped as her eyes shot open. She reached forward for Ann but found she was alone. Ann was gone.

Taking a deep, unsteady breath, she felt a tear run down her cheek. _A dream, of course…_ Suddenly, even breathing felt painful as she was facing the feeling of losing her once more, her heart pounding in her chest with the stinging pain of loss.

Fisting the sheets, she shook her head as if defiance would change anything about this. Anne closed her eyes, unwilling to accept this. Could she not, at least, have this dream…? At least that much?

She tried her best to focus, to bring back the scene she had been pulled from so unexpectedly in hopes of continuing where she left off. Even if it would only hurt her come morning. Right now, she needed this.

Despite the empty darkness, she conjured the image of Ann on top of her: her eyes, her delicate body, her soft moans… the way hips ground against her over and over…

_“D-don’t stop…”_

It was faint, it was in the distance, but she heard it with undeniable clarity regardless.

“I’ve got you,” she whispered, blue eyes meeting her own once more in that moment.  
It took all her concentration to stay in the moment but she did, gasping alongside Ann as she felt her clutch to her shoulder hard.

Her other hand moved down. Her line between dream and reality was blurred almost beyond recognition. Not until she felt the pleasant low burn between her own legs as her fingers connected with slick heat did she remember what was real. Anne moaned alongside her lover, imagination and reality merging further as she worked to bring them both to orgasm.

Ann was close already, as Anne caught up with her, her almost frantic rubbing yielding fast results.

“Anne…” her lover moaned, reaching down to unite their lips in a passionate embrace that only pulled Anne deeper into this blissful scene. She started shaking underneath her, knowing she too was nearly on the brink already.

“My love…” she whispered with trembling hands, losing herself in the deep blue orbs looking at her with equal passion and love.

Anne cried out alongside Ann the moment they let go in almost perfect unison, sweaty bodies grinding against each other fervently over and over through their highs. For a while she drowned in the beautiful feeling, could almost believe that it happened, that it was not just a product of her heartache.

Eventually, Anne calmed down and felt a pair of lips against her forehead, smiling at her lover who looked equally spent as she felt. Ann returned the smile before looking to the side, the smile turning sad.

“Don’t leave me,” she whispered, taking Anne’s hand in her own as a tear ran down her cheek. It was heart-wrenching. Anne looked away herself, her chest tightening. The moment she looked back, she found herself on her own. Ann was gone once more…

She blinked, but there was no use – neither did Ann return, nor was there any hope trying to make the tears that were now flowing freely go away. Anne gripped her duvet tightly, holding it close to herself as she turned to lie on her side and forced her eyes closed.

Try as she might, she could not sleep well for the remainder of the night with her mind lingering on the passionate moments she shared with Ann – or rather, the imagination of her. It had felt so real…

_But she came so close…_

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story I've written in a long time, I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> Thanks to jt417 for beta'ing this work for me!


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